How To Manage Relationships In Your Life
With a brand new year ahead of you, this is the perfect time to reflect on, rethink and re-evaluate the relationships in your life. This is something I have spent a lot of time thinking about recently.
I want to start 2019 positively, with a brand new set of goals. So maybe doing a reality check like this is almost like a mental clearance – to throw out the baggage so I can begin this year in the right frame of mind.
RELATIONSHIP LISTS – A AND B
We are in many relationships with many people at any given time. Some change as we get older, some fall by the wayside and some just become too exhausting to continue.
We all have people in our lives that we actually want present, the people we genuinely love from the bottom of our hearts and couldn’t imagine a day without. For me, these are the A-Listers.
Then there are those we see from time to time, who may not be the closest to us but they still bring some meaning or happiness to our lives. So we work hard to keep them there. I call this my B-List.
RELATIONSHIP LISTS – C AND D
And then there are those are who aren’t really there out of choice. These are people who come in to your life either through work, mutual friendships or marriage. They could even be family members who you’ve known all of your life but are just not that close to you.
You’re friendly with these people but they don’t impact your life in a big way. This is the C-List.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having C-Listers in your life. For someone somewhere, I am also a C-Lister. I’m fine with that. You can’t be close to everyone who is present in your life.
Finally for me, there is the D-List. These are people who you’re simply just keeping up appearances for. You may see these people every day or once in a blue moon. They can be anyone from the categories mentioned above.
You just have to deal with the fact that they’re there. They’re always going to be there because you are related to them, your friends love having them around or you work with them. That’s all well and good because if things are kept polite and you all know where you stand, where’s the harm in seeing these people, right?
All of my life, I have been a people-pleaser. Who doesn’t want to be liked? But I have gone above and beyond for people when they haven’t asked me to. Or they have asked me to – and expected it of me – and I’ve done exactly as they wanted.
I’ve bent over backwards for people – helping them, protecting them, supporting them, advising them. Sometimes this has been to the detriment of all else. Once I throw myself in to a relationship, I’m in it for the long haul.
I am loyal to a fault. Once you have me, you have me for life. Even when people have crossed, upset or hurt me, I am willing to wipe the slate clean and start again.
We’ve all been in situations where someone has accused us of doing something to hurt or undermine them. I’m sure everyone has had someone, at some point in their lives, confronting them about something they may have heard you’ve said or done. I’ve always worked hard to clear up these misunderstandings.
It is not your issue If people don’t come to you when they think you’ve said something and they’d rather choose to believe whatever they’re told. That’s their issue. But again, I’ve been willing to resolve matters, even if I’m not at fault, because bad blood isn’t good for anyone’s health and wellbeing.
Then there have been times when I’ve really gone out of my way for someone but it’s been thrown back in my face. Again, I have moved past it because if they’re carrying that bad energy and negativity around, that’s on them.
You can’t let them suck the good energy out of you. You can’t let their behaviour change how you are as a person. And so, I’ve continued my relationship with them, even though that dark cloud still lurks in the background.
Having said all of that, I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my life. I’m halfway through my journey on this earth and I only have moments at this interval stage, before the second-half kicks in. So I am holding a self-intervention and making some harsh decisions.
I’ve thought hard about the lessons learned. Over the last few weeks, like a dating app, I’ve mentally swiped through all of the people in my life. I’ve changed up my lists, added new people and hit delete on others.
DEALING WITH THE D-LIST
Don’t get me wrong. I will still have to see some of these people, so I can’t just swipe them out of my life. But I don’t have to let them upset me or control how I feel. Only I can control how I feel. Of course, I will be polite, say my hellos and goodbyes when appropriate and respond when spoken to.
But no longer will I allow someone to suck the good energy out of me and exhaust me mentally and physically. I will be stronger. I will fight harder within myself. Actions won’t hurt me, words even less. And I will not bend over backwards for those who do not deserve it.
A FRESH START
So, with a box-fresh, brand new year ahead of me, my one and only resolution is this; to focus and work on those relationships, which I really want to hold on to. People who mean something to me and enrich my life.
Those people, who are willing to clear up a misunderstanding instead of believing a second-hand story. Those people who feed me with good energy and make my life brighter and happier. Those people who share their sparkle with me, so that I can share mine with them.
Thank you for reading x
Did you miss one of my most special posts ‘A Letter To My Daughter’? Then click here to check it out.