How To Manage Relationships In Your Life

With a brand new year ahead of you, this is the perfect time to reflect on, rethink and re-evaluate the relationships in your life. This is something I have spent a lot of time thinking about recently.

I want to start 2019 positively, with a brand new set of goals. So maybe doing a reality check like this is almost like a mental clearance – to throw out the baggage so I can begin this year in the right frame of mind.Relationships in 2019 - Me Looking Thoughtful

RELATIONSHIP LISTS – A AND B

We are in many relationships with many people at any given time. Some change as we get older, some fall by the wayside and some just become too exhausting to continue.

We all have people in our lives that we actually want present, the people we genuinely love from the bottom of our hearts and couldn’t imagine a day without. For me, these are the A-Listers.

Then there are those we see from time to time, who may not be the closest to us but they still bring some meaning or happiness to our lives. So we work hard to keep them there. I call this my B-List.

RELATIONSHIP LISTS – C AND D

And then there are those are who aren’t really there out of choice. These are people who come in to your life either through work, mutual friendships or marriage. They could even be family members who you’ve known all of your life but are just not that close to you.

You’re friendly with these people but they don’t impact your life in a big way. This is the C-List.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having C-Listers in your life. For someone somewhere, I am also a C-Lister. I’m fine with that. You can’t be close to everyone who is present in your life.

Finally for me, there is the D-List. These are people who you’re simply just keeping up appearances for. You may see these people every day or once in a blue moon. They can be anyone from the categories mentioned above.

PLEASING PEOPLE

You just have to deal with the fact that they’re there. They’re always going to be there because you are related to them, your friends love having them around or you work with them. That’s all well and good because if things are kept polite and you all know where you stand, where’s the harm in seeing these people, right?

All of my life, I have been a people-pleaser. Who doesn’t want to be liked? But I have gone above and beyond for people when they haven’t asked me to. Or they have asked me to – and expected it of me – and I’ve done exactly as they wanted.

I’ve bent over backwards for people – helping them, protecting them, supporting them, advising them. Sometimes this has been to the detriment of all else. Once I throw myself in to a relationship, I’m in it for the long haul.

I am loyal to a fault. Once you have me, you have me for life. Even when people have crossed, upset or hurt me, I am willing to wipe the slate clean and start again.

MISUNDERSTANDINGS

We’ve all been in situations where someone has accused us of doing something to hurt or undermine them. I’m sure everyone has had someone, at some point in their lives, confronting them about something they may have heard you’ve said or done. I’ve always worked hard to clear up these misunderstandings.

It is not your issue If people don’t come to you when they think you’ve said something and they’d rather choose to believe whatever they’re told. That’s their issue. But again, I’ve been willing to resolve matters, even if I’m not at fault, because bad blood isn’t good for anyone’s health and wellbeing.

NEGATIVE ENERGY

Then there have been times when I’ve really gone out of my way for someone but it’s been thrown back in my face. Again, I have moved past it because if they’re carrying that bad energy and negativity around, that’s on them.

You can’t let them suck the good energy out of you. You can’t let their behaviour change how you are as a person. And so, I’ve continued my relationship with them, even though that dark cloud still lurks in the background.

MAKING DECISIONS

Having said all of that, I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my life. I’m halfway through my journey on this earth and I only have moments at this interval stage, before the second-half kicks in. So I am holding a self-intervention and making some harsh decisions.

I’ve thought hard about the lessons learned. Over the last few weeks, like a dating app, I’ve mentally swiped through all of the people in my life. I’ve changed up my lists, added new people and hit delete on others.

DEALING WITH THE D-LIST

Don’t get me wrong. I will still have to see some of these people, so I can’t just swipe them out of my life. But I don’t have to let them upset me or control how I feel. Only I can control how I feel. Of course, I will be polite, say my hellos and goodbyes when appropriate and respond when spoken to.

But no longer will I allow someone to suck the good energy out of me and exhaust me mentally and physically. I will be stronger. I will fight harder within myself. Actions won’t hurt me, words even less. And I will not bend over backwards for those who do not deserve it.

A FRESH START

So, with a box-fresh, brand new year ahead of me, my one and only resolution is this; to focus and work on those relationships, which I really want to hold on to. People who mean something to me and enrich my life.

Those people, who are willing to clear up a misunderstanding instead of believing a second-hand story. Those people who feed me with good energy and make my life brighter and happier. Those people who share their sparkle with me, so that I can share mine with them.

Relationships in 2019 - Me On A Boat Ride

Relationships in 2019 - A photo of me looking thoughtful

Thank you for reading x

Did you miss one of my most special posts ‘A Letter To My Daughter’? Then click here to check it out.

66 Comments

  1. bingingonabudget
    January 21, 2019 / 7:34 pm

    Thanks for sharing. What would you say is the most helpful tip on this list?

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 21, 2019 / 8:17 pm

      Thank you for reading. For me the most helpful thing is to take the power back. Even if there are people in your life who give off negative energy, don’t react or let it get to you. Their bad energy is on them, not you x

  2. January 22, 2019 / 8:57 pm

    I like the idea of taking the power back. Good read too. #keepingitreal

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 22, 2019 / 9:11 pm

      Thank you so much. Never give your power away. It’s too precious x

  3. January 22, 2019 / 9:24 pm

    This was so interesting to read and really got me thinking about who would be on my different lists. Thank you for sharing #dreamteam

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:39 pm

      Thank you so much for reading. I’m glad it triggered a thought process for you. That’s what I love most about blogging. I learn so much from my fellow bloggers so it’s good to sometimes impart some knowledge or thoughts too x

  4. January 22, 2019 / 11:11 pm

    You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and let me tell you I’m 61 and still haven’t figured it out. Just the other day I was making a decision as to whether or not I trusted someone and I went back and forth on it. Finally I decided, no, because this person would be left alone with a loved one and I went with my gut. I do, however, regret not being able to keep more people in my life.

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:42 pm

      Thank you so much for reading Jeanna. I’m glad it’s got so many people thinking. We are on this earth for such a short time and we need to make sure we’re surrounded by people who lift us up, help us grow and genuinely love us. It’s never too late to make friends and allow new people in to your life x

  5. January 23, 2019 / 12:08 am

    This post will help people. It spoke to me as a newly 50 year old who is questioning many life choices particularly my marriage as too often I feel that every bubble in my world is burst all too quickly by my husband. Not sure if he means to do it, whether I over-react, whether I am not suited to marriage or what but I struggle that the person who makes me unhappiest too much of the time is my partner. So thanks for posting and helping me reflect on all this. All the very best for a positive New Year for you with all the right people doing all the right things for you #AnythingGoes

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:37 pm

      Thanks for reading Kate. I’m really glad this post has at least triggered some important thoughts. I think we all just go with the status quo because it’s hard to make those tough decisions. But we’re better off in the long run if we just make those lists in our mind and then put them in to action. I have followed your journey for a year now and it’s sad to see and hear what a rough ride you’ve been having. And yes, your partner should be the one person who should lift you up. I really hope for a positive 2019 for you. I’m always here x

  6. January 23, 2019 / 12:20 am

    I recently read an article that said that as you get older, your circle of friends decreases, but the friends that you do keep are more meaningful and closer. I find that to be true. I want to spend time with friends who I really enjoy. Thanks for a very thoughtful post!

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:35 pm

      Absolutely Laurie. That’s very true. It’s important to spend time with people who are there for genuine reasons and who you can learn from and teach in return. Thanks for reading x

  7. Jazz
    January 23, 2019 / 11:49 am

    A great read and you put so much into perspective for me. A great way to have these lists in your mind. Made me re-think and decide on my friends and delete list.

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:34 pm

      Thanks Jazz. If my post made you think and re-evaluate your own relationships, then I’m glad it was useful to you. It’s important to have a clearance every now and then so we can focus on the important people x

  8. January 23, 2019 / 12:53 pm

    Great read and it’s something I need to consider. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 23, 2019 / 5:32 pm

      Thanks Jaki x

  9. Karen Dennis
    January 23, 2019 / 6:46 pm

    Interesting read #bloggerclubuk

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 24, 2019 / 11:18 am

      Thanks Karen x

  10. January 24, 2019 / 6:19 am

    I do agree that we should focus on the important relationships we want with people that we love. #BloggerClubUK

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 24, 2019 / 11:17 am

      Absolutely x

  11. January 24, 2019 / 7:42 pm

    Great list and food for thought X #stayclassymama

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 25, 2019 / 6:21 pm

      Thank you, Sam. Glad you were able to take something away from it x

  12. January 24, 2019 / 10:11 pm

    Last year I had a long hard think about my D-List, whilst they are still in my life I am now polite and no more, I have set form boundaries and started saying no. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, the negativity they bought, the stress, worry and heartache is now safely at arms length. #Stayclassymama

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 25, 2019 / 6:20 pm

      That’s exactly what I have done and I’m glad I came to this realisation sooner rather than later x

  13. January 25, 2019 / 2:37 pm

    I’ve been on this journey of acceptance of myself and knowing the reality of others for the past several years. Every now and then we have to re-evaluate our relationships, even with those closest to us, and prioritize where they really fit into our lives. Most important, if they add positivity to it, not take it away. Great list! #GlobalBlogging

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 25, 2019 / 6:19 pm

      That is exactly right. It’s both ways – are we offering them anything productive and vice versa. Thanks for reading x

  14. January 25, 2019 / 10:12 pm

    This all makes perfect sense. Sometimes we have to be harsh to be on the best path for us #TriumphantTales

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 27, 2019 / 12:52 pm

      Absolutely Jo x

  15. January 25, 2019 / 10:38 pm

    Really interesting read! It’s so easy to fall down the wayside and feel trapped into putting energy into one-sided (even no-sided) relationships. I completely agree that it’s fab to stay polite, but withdrawing and taking back power into your own court can really help to put that spring back in your step. Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam linky this week! We love your sparkle 🙂

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 27, 2019 / 12:53 pm

      Absolutely Annette. Taking the power back gives us control of our own emotions again x

  16. January 26, 2019 / 9:17 pm

    I hadn’t really thought about the types of friends and relationships I have but this is a great way to keep track and stop people having undue influence on your life. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 27, 2019 / 12:52 pm

      Thanks Laura. Yes it’s so important to surround ourselves with people who bring positive influence in to our lives x

  17. stickymudandbellylaughs
    January 27, 2019 / 3:18 pm

    Love love love this Rosie! Life really is too short to have negative people in it. I also focus on the loyal ones, the ones who are always there no matter what. The others can keep their bad energy to themselves!
    Fab photos as always. x

    Thanks for sharing with #MMBC. 🙂

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 11:44 am

      Exactly so. List is definitely too short to waste time on those sapping the good energy out of us x

  18. January 27, 2019 / 4:54 pm

    So interesting. Particularly I think you may have someone on your C list for example who is on your A list and this can make things very challenging. Thanks for linking to #kcacols and hope to see you again next time.

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 11:44 am

      That’s right. Making these mental lists was such a relief. Allowed me to compartmentalise the people who deserve my energy x

  19. Lorna Holland
    January 27, 2019 / 5:38 pm

    I think this is really important – mental health is such a big topic at the moment and this is a brilliant way to remove some of that unnecessary negative energy from your life. Great post!

    #ThatFridayLinky

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 11:42 am

      Exactly Lorna. That’s why I thought it was important to remind myself of this x

  20. January 27, 2019 / 9:07 pm

    Great read and really useful Thanks for linking to #Thatfridaylinky hope to see you next week

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 11:41 am

      Thanks Nigel x

  21. January 27, 2019 / 11:25 pm

    I have been a people-pleaser, I’ve been a you before me person, I’ve been a get along to get along person too. I care a ton about everyone and I’m certainly loyal to a fault. However, I’ve learned lately to stop and put the oxygen mask on me first before I give to air to someone or something that isn’t going to benefit me.
    Cheers to focusing on lasting, loving and loyal relationships that go both ways!
    xoxo
    Dean

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 11:41 am

      This is so true. And you’re absolutely right – give oxygen to ourselves first x

  22. January 28, 2019 / 2:09 pm

    This is such an interesting read. I think its important to look at our friendships and relationships with people throughout our life, so often we can be guided by guilt or the feeling that we ‘should’ in same way. Thanks for sharing and linking up #twinklytuesday

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 4:09 pm

      Thanks Kate. Yes absolutely. It should be a constant process x

  23. January 28, 2019 / 5:20 pm

    Hi Rosie, as much as quality relationships are important, it is just as important to clear out those relationships that have a negative impact on us. I like your approach and hopefully 2019 will be a year of only positive relationships, life’s too short to have it any other way.

    Thank you for popping by & sharing at #keepingitreal.

    xx

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 6:40 pm

      Thanks Deb. You’re right. Life is too short to surround ourselves with negative people x

  24. January 28, 2019 / 5:48 pm

    I’m pretty sure, aside from your spouse and offspring, all family is C&D, I did not choose to be related to these people, regardless of how close we are.
    #kcacols

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 28, 2019 / 6:39 pm

      That is absolutely true. Sometimes you just need a reality check x

  25. January 29, 2019 / 3:36 pm

    Great job! Thanks for sharing. I love the idea of taking back the power. 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 29, 2019 / 5:29 pm

      Thanks Lana x

  26. January 30, 2019 / 6:22 pm

    I definitely need to retake the power. Great post #KCACOLS

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 30, 2019 / 8:37 pm

      You will never look back. I feel healthier and lighter already x

  27. January 30, 2019 / 7:38 pm

    Love this idea of taking power back, thanks for sharing. Thank you so much for linking up with us for #kcacols and we hope to see you next time.

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 30, 2019 / 8:36 pm

      Thanks Kelly-Anne. I feel so much better already x

  28. January 30, 2019 / 7:56 pm

    To be fair, there’s nothing more freeing or cleansing than ditching toxic relationships, no matter level they’re at. #kcacols

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 30, 2019 / 8:36 pm

      Couldn’t agree with you more. I feel so much lighter already x

  29. January 30, 2019 / 10:01 pm

    I hope you notice the benefits of managing your relationships this year. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

    • Rosie
      Author
      February 2, 2019 / 12:22 pm

      Thanks Laura. I feel much lighter already x

  30. January 31, 2019 / 11:21 am

    Such a relatable post . As you say there are negative people who for one reason or another you have to deal with but you can control your response to them if nothing else and not allow them to drain you of your postitivity #blogcrush

    • Rosie
      Author
      January 31, 2019 / 11:25 am

      Thank you. It’s all about taking the power back x

    • Rosie
      Author
      February 2, 2019 / 12:21 pm

      Exactly that. It’s about taking the power back x

  31. February 2, 2019 / 2:01 am

    You set things out so clearly here and so much rings true for me – people who drain you of positive energy that you unfortunately can’t just delete from your life. I do need to take back the power and cultivate my positive energy. I also realise I need to put more into my relationships with the people who are really worth keeping. Thanks for reminding me. #stayclassymama

    • Rosie
      Author
      February 2, 2019 / 12:17 pm

      Absolutely Ruth. Its about treasuring the people that matter x

  32. February 4, 2019 / 7:34 pm

    This sounds like a great plan. Good luck with it. x
    Thanks for sharing with #pocolo

    • Rosie
      Author
      February 4, 2019 / 7:44 pm

      Thanks Morgan x

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